if wishes were wisdom
One of the prompts of my graduate program, when feeling stuck as a starting-out therapist :
If you could wave a magic wand, what would you wish to be different?
Sometimes folks go Wi$h Li$t with it. More often than not, they are more astute and know you’re up to something with that question:
“ I wish I’d done it sooner ”
“ I wish I’d said goodbye ”
“ I wish it had never happened ”
“ I wish it went differently ”
“ I wish I could do something ”
I meet a lot of folks coming into a "new” knowledge of who they’ve always been. Late in life diagnosis, change, etc. It can be full of grief to see yourself in a new way, in a way that was not held or serviced or seen. Its natural to long for a simple solution - a wish. When we’re going through hardship, we seldom struggle for wishes: but one granted wish within the therapeutic relationship is often invisible. Seriously.
When we talk about things, we move it from the creative area of our brain (word, language, imagination) and make it audible to the logical areas of our brain (reason, patterns..math). When talking it out with someone trained to listen, to be logical in their listening, they can facilitate this happening with more ease (note: did not say easily).
So, if you’re wishing it to be different, it probably is. Therapy can assist you to see something through a new point of view. It can’t change what’s already happened, but it can tilt the frame.
What’s tricky, is that once we move into unfulfilled wishes, we can get really.freaking.sad. And a lot of folks struggle with therapy for this reason - it’s hard to spend time, money, and effort… just feeling sad. If that’s you as you read this, I’m sorry. It sucks to be stuck, and it sucks to feel like your wishes don’t come true. Being stuck is actually progress.. But we can save that for someone listening to you to explain.
So, if wishes were wisdom?
“ We can easily look back at “could have been” but through our conversation I see reasons A,B,C as to why you didn’t do it then. It’s okay. “
“ You can say goodbye, now, again and again. They’re not gone - look for the signs.”
“It’s hard that the biggest things happen TO us, and you’re allowed to wish it hadn’t. It wasn’t your fault, and the way you reacted made sense for you, then.”
“It's so hard to create something. To have a hope for what it will be, and to set it into the world. To let it go. You created something, and it didn’t go as planned”
“Helplessness is real. It’s real to feel like you’re drowning, like the pace of life is too fast”
“Careful the wish you make, wishes are children.
Careful the path they take, wishes come true, not free”
*NOT diving into breakdown of the Showgirl album, but the link was too cute to pass up
