Why should I try therapy… again?
I often find myself apologizing on behalf of other therapists. It can be strange, sure, to call into a session the stories and experiences my *brand new* client had in the past, but as a soft-skill it feels incredibly important.
It really hurt to hear that a client has had negative, or traumatic experiences in the past. It can be scary enough to start - I know, I go to counseling, too - and to put yourself out there to be poorly received is awful.
I’ve had clients leave, tell me after we establish some clinical limitations that it won’t work out, or ghost me all together. I have also had to tell clients when on my side it isn’t working - that they need a different style of care, or that something comes up in my life that means my perspective is skewed. More often than not, I catch this in my first 10 minute call, but it does happen. It used to feel personal, but more than likely it’s due to how unique the therapy relationship is. It’s not traditional give and take - but can be a mirror of ourselves. Our best and worst sides. And, therapists aren’t mirrors, but people. Flawed & utterly human.
I hope in sharing a few tips, that maybe some readers will feel encouraged to try again with therapy.
I’ve been in practice 10 years, so my guidance is strictly my own experience, but some of the most common poor experience themes I’ve heard:
Too much talk about themselves. I use personal examples to create ease, or to save someone the trauma of explaining a shared experience, but as a tool. Therapists aren’t meant to use client time to work out their own stuff
Or nodding along. Just nodding.
A lack of clear communication on therapeutic weaknesses, or cultural gaps,etc.
An unwillingness to use the clients emotional language, identifiers, terms, pronouns, etc.
A haste in diagnosis, resistance to conversation about diagnosis, or lack of consent regarding diagnosis
Or a denial of a lived experience as a human as valid or real
Warning signs are helpful, sure, but honestly - how do you know if it’s a good fit? If unsure, look out for some affirmative qualities:
The therapist is open with you about scheduling, canceling, and practical policies right up front.
The therapist sets up a collaborative conversation about how therapy can look and feel: what are the short and long term goals? How long can one hope to attend? How will we know when the relationship is done?
The therapist owns their stuff. We aren’t walls. I didn’t get my MA and LPC to suddenly have no feelings/reactions/etc. If their stuff spills over, therapists are appropriate in slowing the session, acknowledging their reactive mess, and seeking solutions on how to continue, together.
The therapist seeks consent - this can look like affirming pronouns, asking if ready for a “feedback session”, or opinions on how they’d like to shape sessions together
The therapist challenges - and yes, I hate this part in my own therapy work too. But, seriously, most people don’t start therapy to stay the same… forever.
We each know our readiness for change: the first step is almost always the hardest, made only more difficult if we’ve been through it.
Every story is worth being told, and listened to, by someone ready to validate and value us as we are: We are so much more when we help each eachother along the way.
Be kind to yourself.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health emergency, please dial 988 for national crisis support or text PA to 741741. Phoenixville is also served by Chester County - Valley Creek Crisis Center @ 610-280-3270
